Wednesday, December 12, 2007

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Hoy volví a entrar. Hace un rato me juré que iba a ser la última vez, pero es inevitable. Además, no puedo descansar si no cumplo con las ocho revisiones diarias, una cada tres horas, sin excepción. Necesito saber lo que está haciendo cada minuto del día, aunque sé que su paseo por los blogs lo realiza únicamente entre las nueve y las once cinco noches a la semana, es decir, de lunes a viernes, pues los sábados y domingos no va al trabajo. Además, seguramente los pasa con él.

Me sorprende cómo ha cambiado desde que me abandonó. Ella me dijo que simplemente me había dejado de querer, entonces, ¿por qué una semana después ya estaba con otro? Y esas fotos que publica en su blog, por ejemplo, esa donde aparece tan guapa y sensual recostada en mi cama… en MI cama y con una dedicatoria para él, “el nuevo”. ¿Qué diablos estaba pensando? ¿Cómo se le ocurre dedicarle una foto que yo le tomé, justo después de una vigorosa sesión de sexo, a su nuevo amante? No. Creo que la dedicatoria no es realmente para él, sino para mí, pero claro, seguramente él se mete a su blog y ella tiene que disimular. Pero yo sé que el mensaje era para mí, aunque fuera en recuerdo de los viejos tiempos.

Lo que me sorprende más, es su nueva sed de comunicación con el tal “amacadáveres”. ¡“Amacadáveres”! ¿A quién se le ocurre llamarse así? Cuando vi por primera vez que ese tal “amacadáveres” le había escrito un mensaje cifrado en los comentarios de su blog, de inmediato me fui a ver el perfil de ese tipo. Me topé con una imagen de rostro destrozado en el sitio donde va la foto y cuado abrí ese blog… me da asco recordarlo. No me impresionaron tanto las imágenes de descuartizados y los cuentos sádicos que brotan de esa mente enferma, sino que ella le haga comentarios elogiosos y otros también enigmáticos, series de números cuyo significado aún no logro adivinar. Pero ya encontré un taller en línea que me enseñará a descifrar mensajes ocultos y muy pronto no habrá ningún secreto que no pueda ser revelado.

Pero además del tal “amacadáveres” está toda esa bola de perros que le comentan su blog: “¡qué maravillosamente escribes!”, le dicen, “¡qué estupenda fotografía!”, “¡quién fuera ese muro que estás acariciando!”, “eres mi inspiración” y demás cursilerías. Y las respuestas de ella, agradeciéndoles la atención. Hace unos días le dejé un comentario, para que no piense que estoy ardido, para que se imagine que de vez en cuando la recuerdo como un lejano amor y no como este carbón prendido que me quema las entrañas. Todos esos nefastos que le escriben son una porquería, una serie de blogs inútiles que la red debería de borrar automáticamente. ¿Y a mi blog, el único que para ella realmente tendría que valer la pena, por qué no entra nunca? Bueno, estoy seguro de que sí entra, pero no me deja ningún comentario para que no piense que sigue enamorada de mí.

He estado planeando una venganza para que se entere de una vez que conmigo no se juega, para que no se burle más de esta piltrafa en que me ha convertido, este tipo flaco que dejó de trabajar y de vivir, que vomita verde todas las mañanas, cuyos ojos se están incendiando de tanto estar pegado a la pantalla, leyendo sus cuentos herméticos, mirando sus fotografías; por cierto, en las últimas que publicó se ve más bien horrible, pálida, ojerosa y con esa expresión de maldad que fluye de su mirada, pienso que esas imágenes son un recordatorio de que jamás me va a dejar vivir pacíficamente, de que es ella o nadie, de que el principio y fin de mi existencia radica en esos ojos charcas que me han condenado para siempre a permanecer atrapado en esta red de letras, palabras y visiones virtuales. Nada de esto existe y sin embargo casi lo puedo tocar, palpar sus pensamientos, sus senos aún latentes en mis manos y esas botas altas que una noche se puso para mi, para un goce que fue sólo nuestro.

2
¡Por fin lo sé! He descifrado su correspondencia con el “amacadáveres”. En realidad, no fue nada difícil. Lo que descubrí me ha horrorizado de tal forma que ya voy poniendo en marcha mi máquina de desquite. La inconmensurable red es mi principal aliada.

Todo está a punto de consumarse. La primera fase del plan la he completado. En la red están insertas todas las fotografías porno que le tomé a lo largo de dos años de relación infecta, de ocho rompimientos propuestos por ella, seguidos de siete reconciliaciones propuestas también por ella. Sus admiradores de blog estarán felices viéndola de cuerpo entero, desnudo, en posiciones que jamás soñaron que ella podría alcanzar, con todos sus juguetes perversos, sus aditamentos sádicos y sus nalgas, pechos y vulva expuestos en la morbosa geografía de la Internet. ¿Qué van a decir sus amigos, su jefe, su padre, sus enemigos? Se me encoge el estómago de placer tan sólo de pensarlo.

Mientras me emociono afilo mis herramientas. ¿Quiere un verdadero “amacadáveres”? Pues en mí lo va a tener. Tuve el cuidado de crearme una identidad secreta para poder infiltrarme en su grupo de amigos sin que ella se percate de que se trata de mí. Bajo la absurda identidad de “comemuertos” y gracias a su ingenua sed de conocer psicóticos virtuales, sé que esta noche se queda sola en casa. Lo averigüé justamente a través de la red que ya me embrolló bastante en suposiciones que no he podido comprobar, pero seguro lo haré dentro de un rato, cuando ella, con sus enormes botas puestas y las manos atadas con su látigo me confiese todo.

Ya anhelo ver la expresión de su rostro cuando le diga que yo soy su adorado “comemuertos”, con quien ha estado chateando estas últimas dos semanas sin darse cuenta. Si se excita con un “amacadáveres”, ¿por qué no con un “comemuertos”? Se le va a caer la cara de vergüenza y de pena cuando sepa que en mi mente y en mi computadora está grabada toda esa sarta de estupideces que me ha confesado a través de la red, todas sus románticas esperanzas de oscuridad, sus canciones de Lacrimosa, sus espejismos de fantasmal imaginería.

Cuando entienda que esto no es un juego, sus ojos brujos no se van a permitir mentirme, no van a lograr fingir que realmente desea conocer el infierno, porque estoy seguro de que en cuanto se vea frente a ese lazo que significará su muerte, el pavor le nublará el cerebro y todos sus gritos y súplicas de clemencia se arrullarán bajo el sopor de su último aliento.

Marilú

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